Bubba's Quit Smoking Journal

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I want to share a special poem sent long ago from "Cat"

If you planted hope today

In any hopeless heart;

If someone's burden was lighter

Because you did your part,

If you caused a laugh

That chased some tears away.

If tonight your name is named

When someone kneels to pray

Then your day has been well spent.

-- Unknown

- Cat

As any ex-smoker knows, the hell you go through in the beginning pays off in the end. HANG TIGHT TO YOUR QUIT......I recall Cat once saying, "A quit is a precious thing."

All quits are different, in fact you could say they are "unique" so that makes your quit "special" and one of a kind. Only you can "control" it. If you decide to join others for support on a message board , stay with it.

Nicotine Replacement Therapy

From May 31, 2002

I think I will try to do something here on this site regarding the use of Nicotine Patches, Gum and other Nicotine Replacement Therapy Aids. Some of us are smoke-free but not nicotine-free. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.....it's the cigarettes that kill......not the nicotine. Smoking was a HABIT that had to be quit.......nicotine is an addiction that has to be eliminated but at the pace of the individual. For some of us I believe there are two distinct steps to quitting.......

1. Quitting the HABIT of smoking and controlling the cravings for instant gratification from so many years of nicotine abuse. You have to teach yourself all new and healthy habits. Kinda makes me wander about that old saying, "You can't teach and old dog new tricks.", well, that to me is a FALSE "old saying" :-)

2. The final step to me is quitting the nicotine. I've yet to quit the gum so I can't comment on what it will be like to be clean of nicotine.....but......one day soon I WILL.

When I first came to the Bulletin Board I would sometimes feel bad about myself when most people referred to the nicodemon or of being nicotine-free because I knew I wasn't BUT I was SMOKE-FREE !! Today I am PROUD of that accomplishment and I DO have far less nicotine in my body than I did before I quit.

God bless you all and keep you strong in this fight for your life!

-James-

My experience with Zyban and HELL WEEK!

No one person's quit is the same! I am only sharing mine with you.

I'm not suggesting my way should be your way.

I quit Monday, November 26, 2001. I smoked 1 1/2 to 2 packs of cigarettes a day for 30 years .

In April, 2001, at the ripe old age of 45, I was diagnosed with Coronary Artery Disease and mild Emphysema. My cardiologist said I had three factors against me:

1) Genes

2) Cholesterol

3) Smoking

There wasn't a thing I could do about the genes but the cholesterol was a whole different story. My count was 240 and within six months I got it down to 132 (medication helped but most of all proper diet)! Then in November, I told my doctor I was ready to quit smoking and that's when he gave me the prescription for Zyban (Wellbutrin is the same and had I asked him for that, my health insurance would have paid for most of it). The Zyban was $119 for the first month supply, but I guess I would have spent that on cigarettes anyway.

During my first week I actually kept a kind of journal. I later learned that this is known as "HELL WEEK" and I think when you read this you'll know why. I hope I never have to go through a week like that ever again!

November 13, 2001 (Tuesday) - Saw cardiologist and got prescription for Zyban and was told I might want to use the nicotine gum along with it.

November 14 (Wednesday) - Began taking Zyban - Followed instructions with 1 tablet per day for the first three days - felt fine - no side effects - continued to smoke - quit date set for November 26 - a Monday when I will be at work and my mind will be kept occupied.

November 17 (Saturday) - Began taking two Zyban tablets per day - one when I got up in the morning and the other around 5:00PM.

November 19 (Monday) - My smoking has increased!! Felt "spaced out"! Hyper - unmotivated - dry mouth!

November 23 (Friday) - Went to pharmacy to get Nicotine Gum in preparation of quit day - Pharmacist said I was "defeating" the purpose of Zyban by using the nicotine gum... I argued with him for a while and then came to the conclusion I would hurt the man severely if I didn't leave... Paid my bill and told him to "Call my doctor if you have a problem with this because I've got no more to say to you!" Told him my doctor's name and left p*ssed off!

November 24 (Saturday) - Tried to quit without the nicotine gum. I lasted two hours and started smoking - smoked eight cigs all day (not bad after having smoked two packs the day before). They tasted "nasty" and didn't do much for me - no nicotine "rush".

November 25 (Sunday) Same as Saturday but smoked 13 cigarettes - emailed my cousins Joan and Shirley asking for their support beginning tomorrow on my quit day... Smoked my last cig around 9:30pm... Don't even care to sit up and finish the pack - nasty taste!

Day 1 - November 26, 2001 (Monday) - QUIT DAY! Got up at 6:00AM - had two cups of coffee - cut gum into quarter pieces (a whole piece is 4mg) 1 mg. for each quarter piece. Chewed small piece and felt better - had cravings but they weren't REAL strong - got to work - had a bowl of oatmeal in break room - chewed gum - took DEEP breaths as a friend advised - the day went by slow - work was slow so I spent some time on the internet looking up info on Zyban and other cessation tools - went home for lunch as I normally do - CRAVINGS STRONG! - calmed down once I got back to work - home at 5:00PM - last pack of cigs on dining room table - picked up cigarettes - got a shovel - called neighbors over as witnesses - dug six inch hole in back yard - buried pack and lighter - said "that's it, I'll NEVER smoke again!" - mild cravings through the late afternoon - slept good through the night.

DAY 2 - Tuesday - Got up 6:00AM - woke up feeling good - had a cup of coffee - popped a piece of 1 mg. nicotine gum in my mouth - cravings were mild and went away fast - they werer a bit stronger when I went home for lunch - snacked on two pound bag of M & Ms!! - went to the dentist and my teeth cleaned from 3:30 - 4:15PM and felt relaxed while in the chair - zero cravings!! Went back to work - felt hyper but good - cravings mild after eating supper that night and slept good but had vivid dreams.

DAY 3 - Wednesday - Got up 6:00AM - FELT GREAT - calm and relaxed all morning (whew, getting worried, calm before the storm?) My morning cough has gone away!! After lunch I began to have cravings that occurred frequently and lasted for longer periods of time through the afternoon. My mouth became dry and I had STRONG CRAVINGS between 5:00 & 10:00PM - I slept good - dreams were very vivid.

(My HELL DAY Strikes!The day the demon hit HARD!)

DAY 4 - Thursday - Got up 6:00AM - had coffee/gum - cravings were minor - not feeling too good hard to describe - got to work - co-worker happy, talking up a storm - I'm IRRITABLE - quiet - she asks, "What is wrong with you?" I responded quickly and loudly, "YOU TALK TO MUCH!" She didn't speak to me for the rest of the day! Another co-worker came in to ask me a question, I responded with, "That's my answer and if you've got a problem with that, then go to HELL!" The co-worker quietly said, with his head held down, "I just asked." - I feel like I am ready to BLOW UP! VERY NERVOUS - shaking from my head to my feet - GOD what is going on with me! Don't know who to talk to - no one will understand what I'm going through - they'll think I'm nuts! 11:20AM - I'm starting to feel sleepy but a bit more relaxed - went home for lunch - mild cravings but continued feeling sleepy and relaxed, took short nap - got back to work and was busy most of afternoon - apologized to my co-workers - minor cravings - continued feeling sleepy - mouth dry - not nervous or angry anymore. My cousin Shirley sent a link to me for a quit smoking board on the internet, I'll check it out tomorrow.

DAY 5 - Friday - I FOUND a Quit Smoking Message Board - Wow, what great people and they understand what I'm feeling!! Had minor cravings off and on through the day - taste and smell greatly improved - slept good.

DAY 6 - Saturday - Minor cravings off and on through the day - not feeling very "alert" - kind of mental numbness - no cravings in late afternoon - slept good.

DAY 7 - Sunday - Minor cravings - felt depressed - talked to my family in Georgia - felt better afterwards - used less nicotine gum - 7:00PM - powerful cravings - actually screamed aloud "I WILL NOT SMOKE" - sat at computer posting to Blairsville - God I wish I was DEAD!!! 7:45PM - whew, cravings finally tapered off - 10:00PM - depression had slipped back on me at some time or other but I felt better once I had gone to bed- slept good.

DAY 8 - Monday - Got up 6:00AM - Only minor cravings and easily controlled - still slight feeling of depression.

My notes ended after that because I became more involved with the message board I did have a feeling of being slightly "spaced out" the first few weeks I was taking the Zyban, but then again it could also have been from the stress of quitting smoking. I did go from taking two pills per day to one per day but I don't recall the date. I felt less "spaced", but found that I became depressed more easily than before. During the first few weeks the Zyban did cause dry mouth and some itching. Had it not been for the Zyban and Nicotine Gum I don't think I would have gotten as far as I have. Jan K, Paul and Tommyboy convinced me to use the Zyban as long as needed and my Doctor suggested the same. I tapered off the Zyban by taking one pill every other day until I finally quit with no side effects after about three months of use.

I can't stress enough that everyone is different and so are their quits and how they quit but some things are consistent - one is the HELL we all have to endure that first week.

A better, stronger person since November 26, 2001

James

Rewritten from my post on January 18, 2002.

My experience with Nicotine Gum!

(No one person's quit is the same. I am only sharing mine with you. I'm not suggesting my way should be your way.)

On February 19, 2002 I had gone to my podiatrist after having fallen and broken four bones in my left foot due partly to the extra weight I had put on since my quit. He informed me that the bones were brittle and even after these breaks healed it would not take much to break them again....well this was a good "junky thinking" excuse for me to smoke those stale cigarette butts I had left in my car ashtray. First of all they were NASTY and secondly the nicotine from those butts didn't do a thing for me! Thanks to everyone in Blairsville I went right back to my quit. I believe that returning to my quit was made easier because I was still using the nicotine gum.

If you are using N.R.T. use it wisely and DON'T stop using it or the Zyban (a non-nicotine medication) too early in your quit. For some reason, when we feel good early in our quits, we think we got it beat and we're ready to drop those tools like a hot potato......don't....that could be WHY you're feeling comfortable because the N.R.T. and/or Zyban/Welbutrin is doing what the manufacturers intended for them to do.

Now that it has been almost 8 months since my original quit, I think it is time for me to quit the gum! It has served it's purpose and I am thankful it was available to help me with what I think is one of the worse addictions known to man. I am now IN CONTROL of my quit and my guard against the "monster" as Katja calls it, is always up. To me it is known as a "demon", one of many, but what ever you call it, don't get a big head and think that you're tough and no longer have to be bothered by the thought of smoking again, that demon(s) (monster) whatever, could slip up on you when you least expect it.

I am going to keep a progress report here on my experience in quitting the gum. You are welcome to follow along.

I have been chewing any where from two to three, 2 mg. pieces of gum a day, totaling 4 to 6 mg. One at 7 or 8 AM and another around 1 PM. Depending on what my day is like, I would occasionally have a piece after 6 PM, but this seldom occurred. What did I feel? Calm and a minor "rush" of alertness and in the beginning few months it took the "edge" off my urges to smoke.

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Quitting the Nicotine gum

July 4, 2002 (Thursday) Holiday

Day 1 - No nicotine gum - no cravings but did feel sleepy all day - no desire for a piece of the gum or to smoke.

July 5 (Friday)

Day 2 - Took awhile to wake up - felt the NEED for the "stimulation" the nicotine gum gives but didn't want to give in - had a cup of coffee - was five minutes late for work...in the afternoon the boss came to me wanting a monthly report - I was feeling drowsy, headache, hands trembled slightly and just down right lethargic. At 4 PM I cut a piece of 2 mg. of gum into four equally sized small pieces. Chewed one piece which I guess would be 1/2 mg., felt fine, headache gone and could think clearly.

July 6 (Saturday)

Day 3 - Slept 2 hours later than usual - no urges or severe cravings for the gum - minor headache, felt a little jittery - starving but controlling my appetite with water - took a one hour nap about 1 PM - Couldn't get motivated to do anything - 4 PM chewed 1/2 mg. of gum - felt better and ran some errands - slept good.

July 7 (Sunday)

Day 4 - Woke up early for a Sunday....no cravings - 12 Noon had my allotted piece of gum...no problem rest of day....mowed the lawn...up-dated web page. Feeling pretty good :-)

July 8 - 10

Days 5 - 7 - Still using only 1/2 mg. day. Mood swings with increase in hunger. May or may not be symptoms of nicotine withdrawals but I don't recall having ever felt this way. I have felt some stress from certain events taking place on the Bulletin Board.

July 11 - 17

Days 8 - 14 - Same as day's 5 -7 but have had severe cravings to smoke, similar to but not as bad as those I had in hell week.

July 18 - 19

Days 15 - 16 - Had piece of 1/2 mg. of gum on the 17th. Have had SEVERE depression and cravings to smoke. Extreme drowsiness, even coffee doesn't help, hard to get up in the mornings, irritable feeling with hunger for sweets. Headache, but not too bad.

July 20

Day 17 - Felt MUCH better when I got up this morning. A member's wife posted for the first time on the board and said she understood what I was going through getting off the NRT. Thanks to her I didn't feel so alone in this. My depression seems to be lifting and I have not had one craving to smoke! I think I can now see that it is not the habit of "chewing" the gum, it is the "addiction" of self medication with the nicotine! I miss the "buzz" or "boost" the nicotine from the gum gave me. It helped me to awaken more quickly in the mornings, gave me a sense of alertness through the day. I think physically and psychologically I am trying to adjust for the first time in over 30 years of NOT having a drug called "nicotine" in my body. I do not regret having used NRT in my quit because I don't believe I wouldn't be sitting here writing this had I not used it. It was one of a number of things that brought me to this point.

When I quit smoking I had to adjust ridding myself of a "habit" and weaning myself of an "addiction" by getting used to not getting that instant gratification from the delivery of nicotine and other deadly chemicals by an object known as a "cigarette". As I used the gum I was getting less nicotine and it wasn't giving me that "instant" gratification that I was getting from a cigarette, but I WAS getting just enough to help me deal with the habit and changes of quitting.

Now I believe I am just about completely free of the nicotine. I don't think it was the cigarettes I "loved".....it was the nicotine and the "fog" it gave me....ever observe someone who has gone awhile without smoking and then when they do take a few drags off a cigarette they have that "dazed" look of starring off into nothingness? Makes me think they/we were just getting "stoned" on nicotine and as with someone on cocaine/heroin and other drugs it starts to wear off and we're back to.......well you read about it in Bob's Place in a story called, "The Little Dark Room".

I'm still feeling a bit odd but I think I am starting to understand what is happening to me. I've still got some "healing" to go through and I will keep control and not allow myself to return to smoking. I sincerely believe I will begin to feel like a "human" is meant to feel.

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Note: Since writing what you have just read, a great deal has happened in my life since I wrote this journal. My younger sister Sherry died in July, 2003 at age 48 as a result of smoking, my eldest sister Joy died in August 2004, once again, as a result of smoking. I've had many relapses in the past two years and what is branded in my mind is "I Love Being Free" after knowing what it is like not being a slave to smoking, I will never ever know that feeling again until I have beaten this addiction once and for all. It is ONE of the greatest and most awesome feelings you will ever come to know. I will update as soon as I can and I thank you for visiting this page. My greatest hope is that my experience will in someway help others.